A New Beginning

Received a mail when I was going through an old redundant email account, that blogger has been migrated. After messing up with the password and all, I was finally able to get into the account. Checking out the previous post, the immediate thought that came into mind was 'How does life change in due course of time'? 

Everyone has experienced this at one time or other. 2 years ago, I was waiting for an opportunity, with job security giving nightmares. Two years down the line, I can call myself decent in at least some work. 

Thinking more about this, it is really difficult to fathom at this point how could have events in lives could be so drastic and dramatic. Relationships, friendships, outlook (oh please, I am not talking about the MS Outlook :P), attitude and of course the vision. In these two years, hunger to learn somehow started sounding like hunger to earn, and the purpose of life somehow got inter tingled with greater purpose of surviving. 

After so many resolutions, some of them even couldn't see light of the day (Can you blame me for being over ambitious in my resolutions), and so many life transforming events, I am writing this on Sunday afternoon (yes, even I am thinking as if there is nothing to do in a Sunday afternoon :P). So another resolution of not getting too distant from writing down on here. Hope this time around, i could continue writing more. 

Signing off till then..

Viv

Dedicated to someone still unknown to me

Tujhe sunahre sapno me piroya

Tere liye anginat geet bune

Tum ko dhunda har jegah

na ho kar bhi tum hi to the

Na jane kitne swaroop tune badle

Kitne pal chapal muska kar

har pal chin neend udhaayi

na ho kar bhi tum hi to the

mujhko dune jeena sikhaya

main tujhko kabhi samajh na paya

Tumne rangeen geet bune

na ho kar bhi tum hi to the

ajnabi me tujjhe dhunda

apnon me tujhe talasha

fir bhi tum mujhe na mile

na ho kar bhi tum hi to the

Baarish ki pehli bundon me

Khidhki se jhank kar dhunda tujhe

Garmi ki jvalant peedha me

beech sadhak dhunda tujhe

thithurti thand k banjar me

har ot me khoja tujhe

Savan ki madhu bela par

jhulon me talasha tujhe

tum har pal wahin the magar

Na pehchaan paya tujhe

har pal teri khushbu k sath

ik pal ka deedar, ye khwaab

main bhatak ta raha

na jaante hue

ki O mere swapn me rehne wale

mere chehre me muskaan ki kiran

failane wale

na ho kar bhi tum hi to the

Mujhe jeene ki aas dikhane wale

Mujhe sapne dikhane wale

Mujhe saans ka matlab samjhane wale

Mujhe aage le jane wale

Unnati ki raah darshane wale

na ho kar bhi tum hi to the

Eti

Vivek

Rendezvous between past and present

Memories are murky, as if wrapped by a thick film of dust of time. He vaguely identifies the road. He knows very well the National Highway No-16. The reminiscent of the once dilapidated road was clearly visible. The new cemented road could not hide the weight of the past that it carries, so does the new avatar of him. A lot has changed; still it seems to be the same. The old temple surrounded by the same old trees and the old well. His memories were trying to relive the past-moments as he passed by the highway.

The village is no longer the same, it has transformed to a “Quasba”(Block). With a “branded garments” Shoppe replacing the Paanwala-shop, that happened to be their favorite hangout. The “Chougadda” is now called “Square”. Still, there is sense of belongingness, the very air is same. He could literally sense the dampness and the scent of the soil. How can he forget? It is not obligation, rather he was feeling every ounce of these memories pounding somewhere in his heart. He could literally see the ghost of his past roaming around. He could see the once old playground, now been converted to shopping complex. A lot has changed, but nothing has really changed. He wondered if he could find any face that he recognized. He felt like being an outsider in his own home, his own territory. Unable to bear the thoughts and perfectly realizing what next is in store for him, he moved on. On the left, as his breathing rhythm took an upbeat, he knew, the worst has finally arrived. Behind these old wooden doors was something he not just owned, but lived in. Not mere a mud house, but the only home in true sense. Not just a three room structure, but the place where he used to live in with his family; made of wood, supported by wooden pillars, standing tall even after roughly 250 years of its existence. Each object inside the home has old memories associated with it. He would write an encyclopedia for even the tiny copper plate lying on the shelf or a thread hanging around the picture frame.

His steps were heavier, more he stepped into the house and probed things, more he became young; young at heart. Trying to count with fingers, how many years, it had been since he left this place. Perhaps too long- Too long to count with fingers. Smiling at his own stupidity, he again looked at the place; “Yajna-vedi” (a place where people use to perform religious rituals) was standing just in front of the main door. It had seen so many child-births, marriages, and even deaths. Suddenly, his eyes become watery. He is a man, and he is not supposed to cry, His assistant offered a tissue paper, which he thankfully refused. The tears are just not always a result of pains inflicted, and he had learnt this very fact that day. He could actually watch him grow, passing various stages of his life in an instant. He could understand the love and respect he had earned in this home. He was out of breathe, He ran to the roof. He was breathing heavily.

United States-That is where he belongs now, He tried to convince himself, but failed miserably, He never sounded that hollow in his life. On the roof, he could see the amazing landscape of sunset. Soon, the moon will rise and they will go to bed. He would again ask papa to show him the faint star that is near the sixth star of Saptrishi (the Great bear Constellation), and his face turned aligning himself with these two stars to spot the “Dhruv Tara”(Polar star).



“Papa, what is left for us in India? Let us sell the property there- anyways, we don’t need anything, we have all the riches we need, Should we ‘dispose’ off the property?”– When his son said these words, He felt that as if life has been sucked out of a part of him, he immediately decided that he have to go to India, The main reason behind his travel was to collect a few memoirs and return back to US- sound and clear logical action. And now here, standing atop the roof, his mind was racing as never ever before.

Out of zillions of thoughts, suddenly one struck him and all the clouds of uncertainty looming over his logical sense were dispersed. A big smile was visible to the cab driver and security guards standing outside that house, awaiting his orders.

2-months have passed; finally his home would be a home in true sense. He settled in this village finally. Now, this widower is not alone in this home anymore. He has got company of 23-strangers of different ages- from a kid of merely 3 years of age to a 75 years old. They all share one common thing- They were in need of a home; they all were orphans- Having no mother and father. A few had children,just for namesake. Now, they had a reason to live; and for him, it was like re-living different stages of his life all at once. He was feeling the sense of happiness that he had not known for so long. People respected him and knew him as headmaster of the only orphanage-cum-old-age center. He knew this is where he belonged in the true sense. Needless to say, the papers that were prepared for sale of the property are still lying in an old iron box in the basement.

Living by Expectations

I hope you have not hated my normal Daily routine @ Infosys. Many of you might have scanned the contents of it. a few might have one through the blog completely (Assuming bench strength in Infosys is ever increasing. thank you for the troubles you have gone through).
Today, while having lunch (Jain Thali) with my friends, an old story struck my thoughts, and my main memory processor was flooded with the good old memories to the extent that due to collisions and internal jamming, huge data latency was found. Suddenly my mind became the fastest navigator known to the humankind, and in a zillionth second, swept to Linkin Park's Song Numb to many yearned down the memory galore to the present- or the yet uncertain future. Wao.. That was way too much to ask for. Let me reiterate a few lines from Linkin Park's Numb-
"
I'm Tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don’t know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes...
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
................
But I know, you were just like me with someone disappointed n you
"

Let us take my own example:-
3 years: - I wanted to be a grown up person with lot of chocolates and toys.
5 years: - I wanted to be a Pilot.
7 years: - I wanted to be a policeman.
10 years: - I wanted to score more marks than person X.
11 years: - I wanted to play better (?) than person Y.
15 years: - I wanted to be smarter than peer group.
16-24 years: - I wanted to just do what is expected of me.
Or shall I say, I was made to do what was expected of me. Yes, that would be better; I don’t remember last time when I took any decision for my own good. With each and every person expecting that I have to (well dude you better fall in line or get the hell out) to what I am expected to. It was always like walking on very thin edge where you have to bring about necessary changes in yourself (adapt yourself) to align with circumstances.

We all had dreamt BIG. I don't think that many of us were sure from very kinder age about joining an IT industry and becoming engineers. I think many of us had lead a life that was rather a manifestation of what was expected of us rather than what we actually are. We do give a chuckle when someone cracks a joke, even if we want to laugh our hearts out, but we are more cautious about what others would think if we do. We would act like the most decent gentlemen in front of girls.
There are many who might have dreamt of trekking in marshy woodlands, going to a safari, spending a night n the middle of nowhere in a dark tent and cooking meals in open fire, playing stupid games with our little kins, intentionally getting defeated in a game from dose little devils and make them feel ecstatic, sitting in a bench facing to the sea, and watching the sunset, with only waves disturbing the silence, of sleeping in the open roof of the village house and counting the saptrishi and Orion, catching glimpse of a "falling star" and making stupid wishes, of making ourselves heard, of lending out a helping hand. We all might have one of these or some other creative dreams that inspired us, that instilled in us the purpose of life.
Well, where is the devil. We can't have all our dreams and aspirations come true.NOM but I don’t think that there is anyone among us who really can say that he/she has lead his/her life out of his own expectations, never been forced into doing anything he/she dint want to.
What can be the purpose of writing this boring blog. Well, frankly, it is just to share what triggered me to think about leading life which is too overburdened by others' expectations that I sometime, I doubt about existence and ownership of my own life. Dasvedania, Rock On, TZP, and numerous other movies have catered to this particular school of thought, but for me, it needed self-realization to wake me up. And being awakened by the silly accident really had awoken me. Let me tell in short about the incident - I went to buy a few vegetables, yuck, NOT me again :(, anyways, I found there a girl of class 7th (damn what was I perceiving her to be, as I out of shear lack of knowledge of proud instilled in me, asked her in which "kaksha"- hindi synonym for “class” you are in, and pat came the reply, I am class SEvEn-in English) selling vegetables and assisting her mother with calculations of the vegetables' prices. In her little right hand, which was also acting as her record book, and on Reynolds pen in her left hand, she was a math geek. I saw in her face the future that is in store for the gen NEXT. I just requested her mother- Please don’t kill her expectations, Please let her decide on her course of life. She was quite taken back by what emotional outburst I had had. Suddenly conscious of present, I haphazardly put the vegetables, and remembered to drop by some 20 bucks (I hadn’t had much of cash with me :P) to her saying, you have to keep on studying and making your dreams come true.

While returning back to my home, only one thought keep on disturbing me- Why? Why had I deleted the Rs 200/- donation to buy school books for poor mail rather most promptly without even having a proper look at it. Is this who I really have become? Those 20 bucks gave me the most satisfaction, as I somehow know, that those 20 bucks were not spent on feeding a poor, but on making future of India, a bit more enlightened. I know what my expectation of mine is. I know what I want from life and what I could give to life to live the life the way Life should be. Now I realize the only way to live life is when it is not predetermined to fall with someone's expectations, but rather when we are the masters of our own fate. So let’s expect more out of life, as it is too short to be wasted and too long to live.

A Routine Day @ Office

8:10 AM Sleepy Entry to Office Campus.
8:15 AM Swipe in (Dilemma whether I should save time by swiping-in in IBPO or should I swipe-in in my respective building)
8:20 AM Mr. sleepy guy turns on the PC, and checks the mail if he is still in rolls @ Infosys. (Thanks God, heavens be with him, he has received no such mails, just regular "Your mailbox is almost full" and "ccd antivirus update" emails that he conveniently deletes)
8:25 AM Time for coffee/tea/water. (Damn!! Dint his mother know that I was born to be a SE, Why did she not teach him how to drink coffee or tea. Can’t even take a girl to CCD) Grrrrr........
8:30 AM Ohh, he almost forgot, he had to check results of some entrance examinations. How can he do that ??? Frustrates over the same issue and scolds himself.
8:59 AM Ohh, Please. Just wait for browser to show some web pages, Please, wait for 5 mins so that he could open a few more pages. They are his only lifeline for perhaps next few hours.
9:00 AM Wao, What a perfect timing. Why? Why? Why? Why does that happen to me? About half web pages just refused to show up. With the most irritating message "Web pages cant be shown" OR "Access Denied" tags. Come on dude. Better luck next time.
9:20 AM Reading the contents of the "now offline" pages that were clicked before 9.
9:25 AM Gotta Rush now, as he have to reach the training room. What for? Well, the answers depend on mood, but he is sure, answer doesn’t contain any string such as "to be trained" or "to acquire knowledge". There is a good possibility of answer being "Sleeping" or "resting"
9:30 AM TTYL, Time to sleep. ohh, Had I kept the mobile in silence mode. To neighbor "Wake me up, when the LECTURE ends... (Not copied from Greenday NOM)"

10:00 AM Zzzzzzzz.....
11:00 AM Zzzzzzzz.....
12:00 Noon Zzzzzzzz.....
1:00 PM Wake up dude. Missed call. Time to work. Sorry, Time for constructive work. For instance, Lunch, Gossips, checking mails and other such time pass activities. That seems to be the only time he is active in InFoSys.
3:00 PM FM/Radio/Music on in mobile. Thinking on buzzing someone in communicator. Deciding against it. For others, he must look like a busy man.
4:00 PM Checking the watch. Is it working too slow? I wonder some sort of sabotage. Entire world is conspiring against me!! Checking mails, and looking for some proper candidate to be disturbed by pinging, Where are my bench bros? and Yes, developing skills in "Word Racer" (Isn't it a better way to develop your CAT level vocab).
4:30 PM Time is almost passing by @ snail's pace.
5:00 PM What the ..........???? How come time is still the same from the last time I checked it.
5:15 PM What should I do? What should I do?
5:30 PM Just hang around a bit more. You can do it. You have done it umptieth number of times.
5:45 PM U GOT IT. U GOTTA GO now. Rush. go go go.
6:00 PM Location = (bus no.)5575 Mood = Tired (had a busy day phewwww). activity = Headphones (FM.. I wonder when I would learn Marathi).

And dreading for the next day. How would it be passed @ Infy..

Life - versatile

Previously, we had tried to explore the very fact about life that is its definition. Now we further explore the LIFE as the most versatile "element" existing, with the word element being mapped to anything that can be emotional, physical being or the very fact that the living beings that have six senses to use, and they are using all of these senses. Peace NOM as some might think that the author is trying to support the theory of "Mercy Death".
So, coming back to the topic, LIFE does have many different colors, and no matter what, wee Indians have adapted ourselves to lead a normal life even when people expect us to react. We are too adaptive to the same, for instance, the recent Mumbai attack on 26th November might be attack on sovereignty and integrity of the people or country at large, or take example of bombings at Bangalore, Delhi, Mumbai, Ahmedabad, Vadodara, Hyderabad, Godhra or Malegaon. The hurt done by these blasts would take time to heal for immediate family of deceased or permanently disabled, but for us AAM JUNTA, the next days after the blast were as normal as nothing wrong had happened, as if nothing wrong can happen, as if life goes on as normal. May be too normal to even have affected by these so called minor incidents. Do we really care about the deceased brave cops of Mumbai? Well I have even forgotten their name. Or do we remember the deceased cop of Delhi Inspector Sharma, who laid down his life when his own daughter was suffering from typhoid and was admitted in hospital when her father took the last breathe?
Life has become too regular, that we are too prone, or should I say willing to adapt to any changes that occur. What if I get slapped by any girl for first time? I would just adapt to it and would never think of that again if that incident recurs. I would never care if I am late to office. Why should I stand in long queue for noble cause of donating blood, when there are so many people in the queue for same, I might eventually get the blood if I require the same. I wouldn’t care to make comments on my boss at his back. I wouldn’t have a second thought before having first sip of MadhuPey. Why should I care to attend the wounded guy in the road when nobody else seems interested to? Why should I make voices of my inner soul heard when no one around seems to do so?
Our life seems to have become slave of our mind that is too materialistic in its approach. We often care about how this girl thinks about us, or what this person might be thinking, or what is that person's perception about me, or what can I do to please my parents or colleagues or seniors. What is in it for me is always teh first response when we encounter any latest news or happenings. It is always I , me, My family, my friends, my this, my that. I don’t remember the last time when I thought of anything that wasn’t related to me. Whenever I look upon a beautiful girl who is single, it is always that what is in store for me. Can she be my friend, mate, spouse, or well Girlfriend. When was the last time I thought of a poor man selling stuffs to meet his 2 end- meals requirements, being out casted by his own blood because he was no longer productive to the family?
A loss of a friend now no longer hurts us. Loss of family does hurt us for a while, and then it just vanishes into thin air, as if nothing wrong had happened to us. And nothing can change the very thoughts that are derived on this very baseline. We just remember the "departed soul" on the yearly bases for a few formalities or often that becomes an excuse for not celebrating a festival.
Let us introspect ourselves. When was the last time, we had real fun. I had, in the previous extended weekend. I bet you can also think of some instances. Lets ponder further, when was the last time, we shouted to our maximum, that our vocal chords allow us to? Well, I have drawn a blank here. Let’s continue with more pondering. When had we celebrated a HOLI without thinking about artificial colors or the tedious task of getting the colors removed from skin? It was at least 10 yrs back for me. When did we do anything good for needy not for the sake of saving our taxes? When did we owed not to speak a lie but eventually ended up saying so? How many of us vow to do something in the morning only to realize that we couldn’t complete the task we vowed to?
Life does seem to be too taken up for granted devil who actually rules us without our ever realizing the same. I don’t even know when I acted as the person I really am. I always end up being a person that others want me to be. In front of family, we become ideal sons/daughters, in front of friends, we become the coolest and most bindaas fellas, in front of a girl, we become the best of the gentlemen (n vice versa for guys). in front of relatives, we become most sober guys ever In front of boss, we become most humble and obedient fellows, and in front of peers we become a hell lotta troublemakers. In front of our sisters, we become most ideal bros and with friends, well, No comments. I don't remember, when was the last time I was just Vivek. I wish I had been ahead of my life, determining the course of my life, deciding what I should do. Well, till then, I, and as generalization, we all are very happy and content driven by the LIFE, and adapting ourselves in due course following closely the footsteps of this ever changing LIFE.
Sayonara

Blogging @ Bench

Time : 3:55 PM, Place: Bench Room, Work : Nothing, Mood : congruent to Hell , synonym of doomed..


Well , Franking, I dnt wanna think about the sameSo, This is my life, even after completing studies, umm.. if parents dont ovrburden me to persue for MBA, I am here, in bench , doing nothing, well, dat cant be termed as nothing, yeaah, I m blogging, Thatz good, I dunno, but may be that is inbuilt in me to become nostalgic in ,u know, regular intervals, may be coz, the past life was much more interesting, or may be, I m yet not ready to face change in my life,yet not ready to leave the cocoon I hav been habitual of, after being through the best phase of my life, guys, no1 wanna even think abt that, no doubt, college life is , but , the best part of almost every1s life. So , After being through the best part of my life, and after spending more time in bench that I had spent in my entire Mysore training, Life definately doesnot look to be dat fascinating anymore. Let me put you back by a few years, although I am not that old to say the same....:)This is Vivek, or as my Accent instructor says, to begin with, "Thank you for calling LEVEL 3,I am Vivek, How may I assist You?", Gosh, yeah, I guess, Now that is not that bad as it already sounds for an SE..My life has more been synonym of a roller coaster ride, not coz of the action part of it, but rather coz if the instability of it, being son of a govt job holder and having to go to new places, and calling new places my home , having new friends , n new school has been part and parcel of my life. Although that made me , umm, as in campus interviews we mugged it up as "flexible or adaptible with change", whatever, I got some very nice friends, and lost some gr8 frnds in the process too.I was never a brilliant student, I u wanted to know my rank, safest bet would have been float fmyRank=(no. of students in class)/2.0;Then came the college life of Noida, that completely transformed this countryside guy fr good.after those 4 years in bliss, I am now back to square 1, in infy Pune. Thinking about my place here, and wondering, that could it ever exist?. Being nostalgic sometimes can be a great feeling, but it could hurt a lot sometimes, as if the weapon you unleashed to kill ur pains have backfired on u. One of my friend often quotes- Live in present coz thats the only thing on which you have real control on. but still, I love to be in past, the memories that come flashing in your mind whenever U r in need of them. If we compare our mind with google searh engine, than we can find out the efficiency of the same, it doesnt take even a zillionth of the second to give in the live feed (audio as well as visuals) of the past, and it doesnt need indexing too :-)Jokes apart, as england progresses in its innings and my stomache is literally starving , My memoirs for the first day are supposed to be on conclusion. So folks, cya next tym, arrnd same tym, if i still enjoy the bench, as I am for past 3 months.
Thanks for ur troubles goin thru the crap
chao, adios, take care..:-)